Procrastination

I started off the school year strong but I may be kind of like a rocket… burning off all the fuel in the beginning and relying on the remnants of that push to get me through the majority of my trip through my super-senior year of college. Unfortunately, as hard as I pushed for a week or two, I don’t think I will be able to coast by for the next three months.

Aside from this moment that I’m blogging about, my day has been anything but procrastination. True, I am currently staring at my cell phone and work pager, hoping that one of them will go off. But I also have a syllabus and two Word documents open, my studying music on, and the majority of a paper written.

This morning was an absolute horrible day at work. Started off great but quickly went downhill (somewhat like my semester). Of the 99 days I love my work, the one day that I don’t is usually awful. And when I came home, I found my goldfish dead at the bottom of the tank . He didn’t even seem sick.

I have been stressing out. I never used to stress out. Really, there was hardly anything that I couldn’t control my thoughts over. And there was nothing that made my emotions go crazy. I wonder who I was then, if I’ve truly changed, and if its for the better. Now I’m a freaking basket case if my mind latches onto something I deem worth stressing about.

Morose thoughts + dark ocr music + a chocolate shake (sugar makes me sick) + too much homework + and a humid apartment = one very unhappy girl.

I better go to Mensing and detox on a piano.

This morning I read a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. (“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”)

The other day I had a pastor say something rather profound to me. (“Don’t live for overtime.”)

I wish I had followed the pastor’s advice because I’m now having to follow Roosevelt’s advice.

I’m tired.

My Day at Work

I can’t really talk about it, legally speaking. And emotionally too — if I think about it too much, I may fall apart as I type this.

Often, when I say goodbye to my family at the airport to come back to Minnesota, I am able to fall asleep right afterward on the airplane. No matter how sad I am when I fall asleep, I wake up feeling much better. I don’t know if its the sleep or a psychological trick that gets my mind thinking its a new day (unless I’m super tired, I almost always wake up happy).

I am really hoping that I can go to bed now and wake up emotionally and mentally distanced from the past nine hours. Tomorrow really needs to feel like a new day.

Success

99% of the time that I say/write the word “success,” I think of the old Batman movie with Adam West when the characters say “Success, success, he’s done it, he’s done it” in an accent that sounds like an American/New York/British mix. Sometimes I say the line out loud. People give me strange looks.

Anyways!, now that I’m thinking of what I want to write, I wish I could change the title, but I’ve already invested in the theme and I can’t go back on commitment like that. So… success… today I ran a 5K. Not really a 5K, and not really running. I slowly jogged what happened to be 3.1 miles. It took about 45 minutes (about 15 mins of that walking for warm up/cool down and a few interspersed minutes used to keep me from death). Two times around the lake. I’m fairly happy with myself. My goal is to run an actual 5K race in 30:00, so I have a long way to go — but today was a definite milestone. It is like a baby’s first words. Kind of an accident, not really oratory “success,” but a milestone none-the-less.

Other things that made me smile:
Talked with my cousin who just got home from Iraq
Worked, and it went well!
Listened to a great sermon from Jesus Lifehouse
Got a little creative with my macaroni and cheese lunch and LOVED it.
Deep talk with a friend about “the church.” Maybe I will write more on that later.

Work and other news

I love my job, but after working 30 of the last 48 hours, I am exhausted! Its left little time to sleep, much less pray, run, see friends, eat, or clean. It is probably just my tiredness taking over my attitude, but I really feel like the last 2 and 1/2 weeks of living right have been blown in the last few days. My saving grace has been listening to sermons on my iPod as I’ve walked through the park from my car to my “temporary housing” (refusing to call anything besides my future apartment home!) and at work when its permissible.

I found a great training program on runnersworld.com. So far I’ve found at least 5 different programs all calling themselves “the” program, even though they’re all published by the same magazine.

I cant wait! to go home (to Cali). This time next week, I will be there! It is coming up f a s t.

Finally, I have always wanted to like reading, especially so since summer has started. Slowly but surely I’m getting there. I’m reading through PrayerWalk right now (yes, its one word). Its not written specifically for women, but I can’t imagine a guy really liking it. It is motivating, spiritually and physically. I’ll write more on it when I finish it.

Phew

I just finished a 16 hour work day… I am tired! As happy as I was to leave work, I didn’t have a feeling of relief… you know that feeling. It’s when you walk out of the office and sit in your car and take a deep breath, glad that day is behind you. That feeling – I didn’t have it as I left. The truth is, I love my job (despite the trying days). I am so thankful that I get to work with great co-workers. The residents almost always brighten my day. Today we walked around Como Lake because its finally warming up (50 degrees today!). One of the residents kept saying, “This is a perfect day!” Despite how tired I am now, I would have to agree. I am so blessed to have my job!

My favorite moment was when one resident was being pushed in her wheelchair by another resident. The resident in the wheelchair is really not a fan of walking. But when her housemate who was pushing her got tired, she volunteered to switch places. The resident who normally uses the wheelchair pushed her tired friend instead. It only lasted a few minutes, but today I saw some of the most selfless few minutes I’ve ever seen.

I don’t know why people look down at people with mental disabilities. The truth is I’ve learned more from the four residents I see every week than from most of the many “normal” friends I’ve had throughout my lifetime.