Success

99% of the time that I say/write the word “success,” I think of the old Batman movie with Adam West when the characters say “Success, success, he’s done it, he’s done it” in an accent that sounds like an American/New York/British mix. Sometimes I say the line out loud. People give me strange looks.

Anyways!, now that I’m thinking of what I want to write, I wish I could change the title, but I’ve already invested in the theme and I can’t go back on commitment like that. So… success… today I ran a 5K. Not really a 5K, and not really running. I slowly jogged what happened to be 3.1 miles. It took about 45 minutes (about 15 mins of that walking for warm up/cool down and a few interspersed minutes used to keep me from death). Two times around the lake. I’m fairly happy with myself. My goal is to run an actual 5K race in 30:00, so I have a long way to go — but today was a definite milestone. It is like a baby’s first words. Kind of an accident, not really oratory “success,” but a milestone none-the-less.

Other things that made me smile:
Talked with my cousin who just got home from Iraq
Worked, and it went well!
Listened to a great sermon from Jesus Lifehouse
Got a little creative with my macaroni and cheese lunch and LOVED it.
Deep talk with a friend about “the church.” Maybe I will write more on that later.

Work and other news

I love my job, but after working 30 of the last 48 hours, I am exhausted! Its left little time to sleep, much less pray, run, see friends, eat, or clean. It is probably just my tiredness taking over my attitude, but I really feel like the last 2 and 1/2 weeks of living right have been blown in the last few days. My saving grace has been listening to sermons on my iPod as I’ve walked through the park from my car to my “temporary housing” (refusing to call anything besides my future apartment home!) and at work when its permissible.

I found a great training program on runnersworld.com. So far I’ve found at least 5 different programs all calling themselves “the” program, even though they’re all published by the same magazine.

I cant wait! to go home (to Cali). This time next week, I will be there! It is coming up f a s t.

Finally, I have always wanted to like reading, especially so since summer has started. Slowly but surely I’m getting there. I’m reading through PrayerWalk right now (yes, its one word). Its not written specifically for women, but I can’t imagine a guy really liking it. It is motivating, spiritually and physically. I’ll write more on it when I finish it.

Hurdles

I have been running for 15 days now and, aside from learning a lot from runnersworld.com (amazing site, btw), I have learned one main, surprising, thing about myself.

I mentally limit myself. I didn’t know I did this, but I do, and I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one.

When I began preaching, I knew I couldn’t do it. And the first time I tried, I found out I was right. I failed, I said “I quit” in the microphone, and I tried to walk off the stage (my wonderful classmates kept me going). When I passed the mental block I’ll call “the fear of validating the fear that I’ll never be a good pastor,” I took off, kind of like a hurdler who sprints off after jumping over a hurdle.

Similarly, like a hurdler, sprinting forward only led me to another hurdle. I’ll spare the details of the many mental blocks I’ve had to push through in my life and speed up to the two most prevalent in my life now:

1. Running.
Running has been an “object lesson” for me. When I began a mere 15 days ago, my crazy far goal would be to get to a lamp post or a bench maybe two minutes away. When I got that down, I thought “maybe to the dock.” It hasn’t taken me long to realize that my goals are being set by my doubts. My body can make it to the dock, and in reality way past the dock. Its my mind that thinks I can’t. Yesterday, this lesson was most obvious: After about 20 minutes of intervals, I began my next segment of running by thinking “I will run about a minute, then walk. I am so tired I can’t run more than a minute.” Except, I got lost in my iPod playlist and ran .7 miles. Now my mental block = gone.

2. Praying.
I know I need to pray more. Its more than guilt driven, its like when a friend asks you to quit a bad habit. “Stop smoking,” or something. Its like God is saying, “Stop wasting time. Get serious. Start praying.” My mental block says I can’t. I know that after I jump over my mental hurdle (when my mind says, “You need to take a break”) I can actually run at least twice as long after that. I know that I can pray longer, with more focus, and with more effort. I just need to jump over the hurdles that are keeping me out of the race. “I can try, but I’ll never be as spiritual as she is.” “I can’t focus for that long.” “I will do well for a few days, then quit. Why even try.” Sound familiar? I say these, and more, probably every day.

I began running to train my body. Now I realize I am training my mind. I want to be training my spirit. I am learning that spirituality is holistic. I am learning what it means to love Him with heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Running, part 2

Tomorrow will be the true test of my commitment to running. I just crawled into bed after working till 10. I work tomorrow at 8am and don’t get off until 10 pm. Then church in the am. If I go running tomorrow, I will lose an hour of sleep. I am going to try to go running not only because I’ve been doing really well the past few days but also because the impossible has occurred. I am actually enjoying running. Today I even thought to myself, I should start going twice around the lake. I wonder if I genuinely like running or if I have just convinced myself I like it. In any case, I am going to set my alarm for 5:30 and see what happens.

Ranking

I have a desire to be a runner. I went running today and failed horribly but I’m sure I can train myself this summer to pull my F up into the D+ range. I have running shoes, an old, old iPod, and my roommate’s headphones. I even bought a new waterbottle in the dollar section at Target. The only problem is that pesky self-discovery. I found out today that I really hate running. I don’t think a running partner besides an animal would help me. I would probably hate the person by the end of the run. But I have committed myself to being able to run around the lake without stopping by the end of the summer. I’ll try to track my progress during the summer here.

For those who know me personally and read this to get updates on my life, there isn’t much to say. I am working alot, spending little, and trying to save up for Lake Tahoe, Washington DC and (the ever looming possibility of) Japan. There isn’t much else. I will try to write more often.

Songs that make me happy (since I haven’t made a list in a long time!):
Kiss me thru the phone
Hallelujah song
Can I have this dance
At last
Falling in love at a coffee shop