After developing

The Japanese Gardens

Playing with aperture (on the camera, not on a mac)

Playing with shutter speed

Shutter speed at 1/4 sec. Reminds me of the Seven Sacred Pools

A mistake with white balance

Just having fun

On the bridge at the gardens

Good day

It was pleasant, considering that it was in Richfield, MN. I suppose if the Japanese Gardens were in Japan, they would have been called simply “Gardens.”

After seeing the real thing, its hard to be swept away by the beauty of a fabrication.

Nevertheless, photos to come. When I finish my C.S. Lewis paper, editing and uploading them will be my reward.

Reading The Problem of Pain and A Grief Observed. I alternated chapters to get a good sense of what Lewis believed about pain and what he experienced when his wife Joy died. If I had ever experienced a comparable loss, I think I would have cried through A Grief Observed.

Last night I finished reading Til We Have Faces, which is C.S. Lewis’ retelling of the Psyche and Cupid Greek myth. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I wished I had, but it is a hard task to be the book that follows Lewis’ That Hideous Strength.

Poor Psyche has a sister blinded by selfish love. This love ends up destroying Psyche’s mortal life. I found myself angry at her sister (as I often get too emotional while reading). “If only you had trusted Psyche, you wouldn’t have ruined her life!” The thought crossed my mind — “What is love without trust?”

Immediately, I answered my own question. “Safe,” I thought.

My answer surprised me, but then again it didn’t. I think it’s true — trust without love is much safer than being vulnerable. What disturbed me was the settled feeling which accompanied my answer. “Yes, I will be safe. I would rather be safe than love and be vulnerable.”

It is moments like this that I am glad I am still a work-in-progress. Moments like this remind me that God is still revising, still loving, still molding. In these moments, He reminds me — “My love is perfect. You have nothing to fear from me.” What wonderful moments I get to spend with my Savior.

Tonight’s Praise Gathering was good, strange as always, but good. Hmm… never know what God is going to ask you to do after you tell Him you’ll do anything…

Another strange thing. I checked this blog’s stats and saw that someone searched for “gracenalani + wordpress.” Someone googled my screenname in order to find my blog. My blog is a boring mix of to-do lists and lists I make when I’m bored. I know its a long shot, but I’m curious. If you were the search-er, could you comment and introduce yourself?

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Recently, I made two huge mistakes. I did something really stupid intentionally about a week ago. And I made a REALLY stupid mistake the other day accidentally. After both incidents, I couldn’t find comfort in the Lord. I felt guilty and I knew I didn’t deserve any comfort.

I have always found relief in the Lord. He is my refuge, especially in hard times. The difference in these situations was that the hard times didn’t come to me; I created them. This week, I have been faced with and slapped by the realization that I am human, I don’t deserve to know the Lord, and for some unknown reason He wants to know me even when I act so foolishly. I have also realized, yet again, that I am all-too-easily controlled by guilt and fear.

It is quite humbling to know that whether someone else creates a mess or I do it all by myself, God’s love for me does not change.

Is 43: “No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?”
Gal 1: “God, who set me apart at birth and called me by grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me.”

Yesterday at 5p, I decided to take a quick nap. I was tired (having been up about 34 hours because of work and school), but I didn’t think I was so tired that I had to set an alarm to get back up.

Woke up 6… thought to myself, “strange… I feel so rested after only sleeping an hour… why is Hannah in her bed? its so early…”

Woke up again at 8… thought to myself, “why is it so light outside? It usually gets dark around 6:30 these days…”

Checked my cell phone and realized it was 8am. Checked my alarm clock. Checked my microwave.

I slept for 15 hours!! Let me tell you… that hasn’t happened for a long time. During breaks I like to get no more than 7 hours of sleep because I want to be awake to enjoy doing nothing with my family. During school I get no more than 7 hours of sleep on a good night. Less to none most of the time.

I feel rested but oddly enough I can’t wait to go to sleep again tonight.

**first of all… just to clarify… I don’t think I’ll love star trek for ever… I meant that I will probably always love “dorky” things **

6. The Pink Cloud Joke
I would tell it… but then it won’t be funny when you hear it in person.

7. The exact moment when I realize that an ordinary conversation has become a divine appointment.

8. Sabbath days…
Today is my Sabbath. True… I “worked” today by leading worship at church, but I don’t consider that work. I just finished eating one of my favorite foods (which I randomly found the ingredients for in various places in my kitchen as I cleaned). I’m listening to Joey Ryan and Norah Jones and loving the fall weather.

9. Great outings at work.

10. Even numbers.

I don’t have time to write much because I’m currently writing a critical analysis on it for class. Maybe when my paper is done I’ll post sections. But in the meantime, I highly recommend it. It’s 339 pages which can be a little daunting and it’s written in play form (so appx 90% is dialogue).

How did I get 22 views yesterday? I haven’t posted for a few weeks!

Anyways,

While looking at my most recent list, I realized how many phases I go through. I haven’t watched Bones in a few weeks, didn’t enjoy the Renaissance Fair, and haven’t taken my camera out in a while (although she doesn’t do well with cold weather/snow so this is probably for the best). So this list is going to be about things I have always loved and (I think I) will (probably) love for the rest of my life.

1. Prayer
Seeking God is my continual focus. I don’t want to sound “super-spiritual” (because I don’t think I am) but I also don’t really want to apologize for being who I am so I’ll just leave this point at that. Prayer is one of my favorite and most important activities in my life.

2. Piano!
I have had fevers that were broken because I had some time with a piano. Playing is my release and I could play for hours without realizing it.

3. On the dorkier side…
I was raised to be a Star Trek fan. I liked it when it was unpopular, I like it now that it’s popular, and I will keep loving it when it’s unpopular again. I like superhero movies and used to read X-men comic books. I would still choose to watch Dragon Ball or Digimon over almost any other show.

4. Looking at the sky
I have always been fascinated with the sky. I recently found a bunch of pictures I took when I was young on my mom’s old 35mm camera of the sky… in fact the same sky from a hundred different points in my backyard. My main motivation for getting a better camera was so that I could preserve in a picture the sky I was seeing.

5. I have to go to work… which is also something I will probably be doing for the rest of my life. I’ll work on this list more later