I have been running for 15 days now and, aside from learning a lot from runnersworld.com (amazing site, btw), I have learned one main, surprising, thing about myself.
I mentally limit myself. I didn’t know I did this, but I do, and I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one.
When I began preaching, I knew I couldn’t do it. And the first time I tried, I found out I was right. I failed, I said “I quit” in the microphone, and I tried to walk off the stage (my wonderful classmates kept me going). When I passed the mental block I’ll call “the fear of validating the fear that I’ll never be a good pastor,” I took off, kind of like a hurdler who sprints off after jumping over a hurdle.
Similarly, like a hurdler, sprinting forward only led me to another hurdle. I’ll spare the details of the many mental blocks I’ve had to push through in my life and speed up to the two most prevalent in my life now:
1. Running.
Running has been an “object lesson” for me. When I began a mere 15 days ago, my crazy far goal would be to get to a lamp post or a bench maybe two minutes away. When I got that down, I thought “maybe to the dock.” It hasn’t taken me long to realize that my goals are being set by my doubts. My body can make it to the dock, and in reality way past the dock. Its my mind that thinks I can’t. Yesterday, this lesson was most obvious: After about 20 minutes of intervals, I began my next segment of running by thinking “I will run about a minute, then walk. I am so tired I can’t run more than a minute.” Except, I got lost in my iPod playlist and ran .7 miles. Now my mental block = gone.
2. Praying.
I know I need to pray more. Its more than guilt driven, its like when a friend asks you to quit a bad habit. “Stop smoking,” or something. Its like God is saying, “Stop wasting time. Get serious. Start praying.” My mental block says I can’t. I know that after I jump over my mental hurdle (when my mind says, “You need to take a break”) I can actually run at least twice as long after that. I know that I can pray longer, with more focus, and with more effort. I just need to jump over the hurdles that are keeping me out of the race. “I can try, but I’ll never be as spiritual as she is.” “I can’t focus for that long.” “I will do well for a few days, then quit. Why even try.” Sound familiar? I say these, and more, probably every day.
I began running to train my body. Now I realize I am training my mind. I want to be training my spirit. I am learning that spirituality is holistic. I am learning what it means to love Him with heart, soul, mind, and strength.