My Life :)

Tonight’s Praise Gathering was good, strange as always, but good. Hmm… never know what God is going to ask you to do after you tell Him you’ll do anything…

Another strange thing. I checked this blog’s stats and saw that someone searched for “gracenalani + wordpress.” Someone googled my screenname in order to find my blog. My blog is a boring mix of to-do lists and lists I make when I’m bored. I know its a long shot, but I’m curious. If you were the search-er, could you comment and introduce yourself?

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Recently, I made two huge mistakes. I did something really stupid intentionally about a week ago. And I made a REALLY stupid mistake the other day accidentally. After both incidents, I couldn’t find comfort in the Lord. I felt guilty and I knew I didn’t deserve any comfort.

I have always found relief in the Lord. He is my refuge, especially in hard times. The difference in these situations was that the hard times didn’t come to me; I created them. This week, I have been faced with and slapped by the realization that I am human, I don’t deserve to know the Lord, and for some unknown reason He wants to know me even when I act so foolishly. I have also realized, yet again, that I am all-too-easily controlled by guilt and fear.

It is quite humbling to know that whether someone else creates a mess or I do it all by myself, God’s love for me does not change.

Is 43: “No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?”
Gal 1: “God, who set me apart at birth and called me by grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me.”

A healthy waste of time

Yesterday at 5p, I decided to take a quick nap. I was tired (having been up about 34 hours because of work and school), but I didn’t think I was so tired that I had to set an alarm to get back up.

Woke up 6… thought to myself, “strange… I feel so rested after only sleeping an hour… why is Hannah in her bed? its so early…”

Woke up again at 8… thought to myself, “why is it so light outside? It usually gets dark around 6:30 these days…”

Checked my cell phone and realized it was 8am. Checked my alarm clock. Checked my microwave.

I slept for 15 hours!! Let me tell you… that hasn’t happened for a long time. During breaks I like to get no more than 7 hours of sleep because I want to be awake to enjoy doing nothing with my family. During school I get no more than 7 hours of sleep on a good night. Less to none most of the time.

I feel rested but oddly enough I can’t wait to go to sleep again tonight.

More Loves

**first of all… just to clarify… I don’t think I’ll love star trek for ever… I meant that I will probably always love “dorky” things **

6. The Pink Cloud Joke
I would tell it… but then it won’t be funny when you hear it in person.

7. The exact moment when I realize that an ordinary conversation has become a divine appointment.

8. Sabbath days…
Today is my Sabbath. True… I “worked” today by leading worship at church, but I don’t consider that work. I just finished eating one of my favorite foods (which I randomly found the ingredients for in various places in my kitchen as I cleaned). I’m listening to Joey Ryan and Norah Jones and loving the fall weather.

9. Great outings at work.

10. Even numbers.

A Man Born to be King

I don’t have time to write much because I’m currently writing a critical analysis on it for class. Maybe when my paper is done I’ll post sections. But in the meantime, I highly recommend it. It’s 339 pages which can be a little daunting and it’s written in play form (so appx 90% is dialogue).

22 views?

How did I get 22 views yesterday? I haven’t posted for a few weeks!

Anyways,

While looking at my most recent list, I realized how many phases I go through. I haven’t watched Bones in a few weeks, didn’t enjoy the Renaissance Fair, and haven’t taken my camera out in a while (although she doesn’t do well with cold weather/snow so this is probably for the best). So this list is going to be about things I have always loved and (I think I) will (probably) love for the rest of my life.

1. Prayer
Seeking God is my continual focus. I don’t want to sound “super-spiritual” (because I don’t think I am) but I also don’t really want to apologize for being who I am so I’ll just leave this point at that. Prayer is one of my favorite and most important activities in my life.

2. Piano!
I have had fevers that were broken because I had some time with a piano. Playing is my release and I could play for hours without realizing it.

3. On the dorkier side…
I was raised to be a Star Trek fan. I liked it when it was unpopular, I like it now that it’s popular, and I will keep loving it when it’s unpopular again. I like superhero movies and used to read X-men comic books. I would still choose to watch Dragon Ball or Digimon over almost any other show.

4. Looking at the sky
I have always been fascinated with the sky. I recently found a bunch of pictures I took when I was young on my mom’s old 35mm camera of the sky… in fact the same sky from a hundred different points in my backyard. My main motivation for getting a better camera was so that I could preserve in a picture the sky I was seeing.

5. I have to go to work… which is also something I will probably be doing for the rest of my life. I’ll work on this list more later

Breakdown

Not really a “breakdown,” but I did go on a long rant about my hate for bowling class (which is just misdirected emotional turmoil about my life). My friend was wonderful, let me talk, laughed with me, then gently but firmly told me: things need to change. My supervisor later told me the same thing.

I don’t know if things really do need to change or if I need to sleep. One thing I do know: most people can only do two or three big things well. I am attempting to do way more than three things and as it turn out I am doing most of them mediocre and and one in particular, not at all. The next two weeks are locked in (no changing them) but if I act now, I can effect a lot of change for mid-october and beyond. Please pray for me that I can make the right changes!

Can’t stop thinking about fun-size candy bars and Turkish Delight and the theological implications of those two things in my life.

Wisdom to Live By

My youth pastor has been extremely influential in my life. Today I was thinking about two specific things he taught me about being a Christian.

The first is that the Christian life is simply a series of asking yourself “who do you love more?” Sin or God? Controlling the situation myself or God? Spending my time my way or spending it with God? There have been many times that I have had two choices clearly in front of me: do I hang out with friends or stay in to pray? Do I save my money or give it in the offering? Who do I love more? Asking this question has helped me make many correct decisions.

The second is a lesson on perseverance. About four years ago, my pastor told me that he and his friends used to fast together. None of them would eat until the next morning — except one guy. He always snuck something before he went to bed. He could never quite persevere and make it through. My pastor told me the guy still trying but not quite making in the Christian life. This taught me that little decisions to persevere are what lead to perseverance as a Christian. If I am not faithful and cut corners in small aspects of my Christian walk, the totality of my Christian life will fall short of the mark. (Its not legalism, its Eph 4:1.)

I will always appreciate the people who took a little time out of their lives to help me live mine. I never know how to express this enough.

Done.

Today was a huge day!

I woke up to a parking ticket on my car… oops… forgot that my parking permit expired. The ticket threw me off my schedule, so I was late getting to class, and late getting to chapel, and late getting to my DR meeting. In between my meeting and getting to work I literally ran downtown (not smart in flip flops — my knees are killing me!) to renew my parking permit. Ran back, ran upstairs, put a new shirt and more deodorant on (lol), and went to work. Work was hectic! Staffing was crazy and instead of having two staff on, there were four of us going in and out. And a work shift is never truly complete without a call to the RN, which I made while wondering in and out of Wisconsin. Anyways, I drove straight from work to Starbucks where I drank a very subpar coffee frap and worked on a paper due tomorrow. I was actually being productive until a girl sitting at the table next to me pulled out her cell phone and made what was possibly the most annoying phone call in history (“Omg, my computer deleted all my music. Omg, its your birthday? Omg! Do something fun! What are you doing RIGHT NOW? OMG!”)

Came home, put my new permit on my car, set to work again on my essay. Its now finished (except for a final edit tomorrow when I’m much more awake). I’m so glad that I was able to work in “education is the silver bullet” into the conclusion. Its going on three years now that I’ve written that phrase into every paper (including my senior project). Now I can go to bed feeling accomplished.

Okay, that’s enough horrible grammar and pointless information for one night. Good night!